Booze Buddies
by KitPirate
Summary: Naruto and some pals on a monthly outing for drinks after missions. Standard hijinks and troublemaking. T for language and 'comic mischief'


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto... blah blah blah... etc etc etc

"Umm, no thanks. I'm not drinking just yet."

The bartender nodded at the blonde and shuffled to the other end of the bar to serve some other customers. "Hey, Naruto, where the hell is Lee?"

"I don't know, Kiba. He said he'd be here. Who knows what he's doing?" The ninja turned on his stool to face Kiba. For the past year Naruto, Kiba, and Lee had gone out on a monthly basis for drinks. It started out as just a couple of friends getting together to hang out after missions and had turned into a ritual that usually resulted in passing out in the gutter. "What the hell, I'm friggin' dry as a desert here." The bartender looked up as he heard Naruto and returned to their side of the bar. "I changed my mind, give me some sake."

"What about Lee, Uzumaki?" Kiba asked. "He's gonna' be pissed if we start without him. You know how he can be if he figures out the contest began without him..." It was a perfect description of their monthly adventures, a contest between the three, a drinking contest. Lee had won the initial outings; Kiba had a few under his belt too, but lately Naruto had discovered a secret weapon. He smirked at Kiba.

"What's the matter? I can start now and still win. Just you watch. Are you chicken or something?" Naruto flashed him a wicked grin and finished his shot in one gulp.

"Shut up, you cocky bastard. You've never won. Fine, we'll go ahead and start." Giving Naruto the finger, he ordered some sake of his own.

"Hey, what are you guys doing? You are starting without me? That is definitely no fun." Lee seemed to appear out of nowhere and took a stool on the other side of Naruto. "Umm, I'll have the same thing they're having." With an annoyed look, the bartender nodded and filled a small glass. He knew better than anyone what happened at these little outings. His bar had become their favorite spot to get drunk, and he had more than once thrown them out in the street after too many drinks. Turning to point at a large piece of ply-wood covering a broken window at the other side of the bar, he shot them an evil look.

"Hey you idiots. If you start getting rowdy again like last time, I'll kick all your asses and make sure Hokage-sama knows to take the damages out of your mission paychecks."

"Yea, yea. Don't worry, Kiba and Lee will be passed out way before me this time." Naruto gave him a goofy smile and asked for another shot. The man complied and left the sake bottle at the counter.

"Just don't forget to pay me this time, jackasses." Sighing heavily, he walked away to greet some newcomers. Lee gulped down his drink, and Kiba quickly followed suit. The game was already on.

"Come on guys, you're still a drink behind," Naruto whined as he filled their empty glasses and then polished off another one of his own. Kiba merely muttered a few curses under his breath. Noticing something different, Naruto turned to Kiba. "Hey, where's Akamaru? You two are always together." It was true. Akamaru had been at every contest thus far, and it confused Naruto a bit not to see him this time. "I guess he stayed away. Probably smelt fear offa you, Kiba." An evil grin spread across Naruto's face as he finished another shot.

"Whatever, Naruto. He's sick, got into some chocolate or something in the trash." Kiba sighed as Naruto filled his glass once more.

"That is too bad, Kiba. I hope he feels better," Lee interjected as he held his glass up to Naruto and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Come on, Naruto. The night is young, and so are we." Kiba frowned. He really wasn't in top form tonight without his canine friend.

"This is going to be a long night..."

* * *

"Buahah...... yea that was awesome..."

It had been several hours since their evening had begun, and the three ninja had moved their party to the street. They sat on a bench a few blocks from the bar, quite inebriated.

"Hell yea... hey Lee, remember that time... that time me, you, Tenten, and Neji had that dumb shearch and destroy misshion? You remember, man, When Akamaru was going through that 'phase'?" Kiba asked as he smacked Lee on the back and leaned forward. He finished off his bottle of sake and threw it behind him, smashing it into a dozen pieces on the sidewalk.

"Oh... yes... that was definitely very funny." Lee had long ago finished his bottle and was on the verge of collapsing. "Tell Naruto..." Naruto sat on the end of the bench, quite comfortable with himself. His 'secret weapon' was working wonderfully. It had taken some practice but he had figured out that he could use the Fox chakra to lessen the effects of alcohol. Drinking nearly twice the amount of sake that the other two ninja had drunk only resulted in a slight buzz for the Nine-Tails Jinchuuriki.

"Sho get thish... Naruto... we were camping for the night..." Kiba exlained, occasionally interrupting his story with bouts of laughter, "... we were camping... right... and..." _Buahahah_ "...and Neji made the mishtake of shcratching Akamaru behind the ears.... that's his favorite spot, see?" _Heeeheeeee_ "...and anyways... we were all shet up for the night... and we were going to shleep... right... and in the middle of the night... we wake up to shomebody screaming..." _Hah, buahaha _"Anyways... we look over and.... Akamaru had mounted Neji in his shleep and was going to town on him and his sleeping bag... god.... it was friggin' great man..." _Heeeee_ "All I could do... was... was just tell him, 'Hey Neji... just let him finish man or you won't get any sleep' and Neji was freaked out... I ain't never seen Hyuuga paler than that night..." Kiba doubled over in laughter, and after a few moments, fell forward out of the bench and hit the ground. He was out cold. Naruto turned to find that Lee had succumbed already and was currently drooling out the side of his mouth, his head resting on the back on the bench.

"Hell yea! I win!" Naruto shouted as he jumped to his feet and turned to point at his fallen foes.

At that very instant, Naruto received inspiration for perhaps the greatest prank of his entire life. Well, the best prank his slightly befuddled mind could think of at the moment. Making a few handseals, he summoned a Shadow Clone and pointed to Lee. "Hey, help me carry these guys. I've got a great plan." The clone nodded, "Sure thing, boss." Naruto hefted Kiba over his shoulders and started walking towards the park, the clone quickly following with Lee in a similar position.

* * *

"Alright... lay him right there."

In a puff of smoke the clone was gone and Naruto was left with his tanked, and unconscious, buddies. A devilish grin spread across the blue-eyed ninja's face as he set about his task. They were in the middle of the park in a high-traffic area, but nobody would be around this time of night, or morning to be precise. Naruto knew he would have plenty of time to finish his depraved plan. Every so often he would stop and take a swig from the sake bottle in his jacket pocket, not even bothering to use the Fox chakra to keep the effects at bay. After all, he had already won the contest and was in the process of claiming his prize. An hour passed and Naruto stepped back to survey the results of his hard work.

"Oh, yea... this is perfect...." Leaning up against a nearby lamppost, he finished off the sake and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. The scene was one that mothers would shield their children's eyes from. Lee was on his knees, faceplanted into the ground with his backside hiked up into the air. Kiba was also on his knees, but behind Lee. The ninjas were held together at their wrists with Lee's bandages acting as a binding. Naruto had also taken some of the bandages and wrapped them so that Kiba's hips were in direct contact with Lee's rear. The hardest part for Naruto had been figuring out a way to keep Kiba sitting straight up and not falling over onto Lee. It had taken him nearly twenty minutes, but, in a moment of pure ingenuity, he had found a rigid stick in a nearby brushpile and stuck it down the back of Kiba's shirt. The result, depending on how you viewed it, was either a sickening and perverted prank or an image of artistic genius.

"Buahah! This deserves a name! Artists do that right?" He commented to himself, "I think... I think I'll call it _Drinkin' Buddies_!" Naruto exclaimed as he stumbled around and began to walk off. Indeed, it was his artistic masterpiece and it seemed only right that he should name it. He staggered through the streets, but couldn't help himself and revisited the area. This went on for about another hour, Naruto putting distance between himself and the scene of the crime, and then returning to admire it.

Finally, as the sun began to peek over the horizon, he made his way towards Sakura's apartment. Maybe it was because he was too far gone to attempt to make it all the way home, or maybe it was the hangover medicine she always kept on hand for Tsunade. The most likely reason was because the booze would lessen the pain of any of her punches and he felt like seeing her.

About ten feet from the door, he called out, "Heeeeey.... Shakura--chyaaaan..." By now he was completely drunk and was having difficulty expressing his thoughts in a comprehensible way. Bumbling up the porch to the door, he knocked loudly. When there was no response, he knocked again. "Sakura-chyaaaaan... open up... I'm tired..." He could hear some shuffling behind the door and it quickly opened up. The pink-haired kunoichi rubbed her eyes and stared sleepily at him.

"What the...? You moron, it's like six in the morning." She leaned on the doorframe and yawned. "Oh damnit... you guys went out again last night, didn't you? Why the hell don't you just pass out in the street somewhere? I like to sleep late sometimes too, you know." Naruto grinned stupidly at her and leaned forward, balancing himself with his hands on either side of the door.

"You remember what happened last time I shlept on the sidewalk, Sakura-chan..." Sakura faked a yawn to cover a smile as she thought of the incident in question. During their last contest, Naruto had passed out on the street beside Ichiraku Ramen and awoke the next day to find that Kiba had taken his pants. The event wouldn't have been as embarassing had Naruto not forgotten to wear any underwear that night. "But don't cha worry, Sakura-chan... I got my revenge..." Naruto lifted a finger and gently tapped her on her nose. Sakura began to fume. "Hey... you shouldn't be sho angry all the time, Sakura-chan.... you get thish big purple vein that pops out on your forehead... it can't be healthy..." He leaned forward lazily and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. For a moment, she thought of decking him right there, but she was too tired and it wasn't nearly as satisfying if he wasn't sober.

"Alright, come on. It's freezing." Turning towards the inside of the house, she walked into the living-room. "What the hell did you do to them? Wait, nevermind. I don't want to know." She turned to see Naruto following her with an idiotic smile on his face, no doubt remembering his early-morning labor. Opening a closet door, she found a soft blanket and tossed it towards the couch. "Good night, Naruto." She moved towards her room and turned to make sure he made it safely to the couch. With a heavy plop, Naruto fell face first onto the couch, not even bothering with the blanket.

"Good morning you mean, Sakura-chan. I hope you shtill got some of that aweshome hangover medicine for when I wake up... I think this one'sh gonna be a doozy..." It wasn't ten seconds before he was passed out, snoring peacefully. She turned and started towards her room when she heard a grunt and some shuffling from the couch. Turning around, she saw his goofy smile looking at her from his makeshift bed.

"Oh... and Sakura-chan... umm... when they come to kill me tomorrow... at leasht wake me up so I can get a headshtart..."


End file.
